How do you tell the kids about the divorce?
How do you break the news about divorce to your kids without breaking their hearts?
In most cases, you can’t.
But there are ways to soften the landing.
You need to choreograph what you say, how you say it and when you say it. Kids will probably have some sense that things aren’t right between mom and dad, but the actual news can jar their worlds down to the bone.
For your part, you need to be age aware, don’t sugarcoat things too much and be sure to include practical information, such as living arrangements, going forward.
Also, understand that as awkward as it is for you to tell your kids, at least you have some measure of control. Children have none when it comes to divorce.
Here are some specific strategies you can use:
Prepare what you’re going to say. Know the important points you want to cover.
Don’t blame your spouse. This will tear your children apart, even if one spouse is clearly to blame. Try to be empathetic, whether you actually believe it or not, for the good of your children. If you burn bridges now, you could set up some major problems later.
Show restraint. If you want to vent about how shitty your spouse is, do it somewhere else.
Anticipate tears. Anticipate questions. You are terminating the existing family unit. Even though in the long run this may be better for everyone involved, it will be a shock to your children. Expect an outsized and emotionally charged reaction.
